Seattle to Portland - Day 14: Home again, home again

9:18 a.m.
Heck yeah, we are back in the Midwest. It is already over 80 and humid as can be. Luckily, the truck has air. I am not usually all about air, but sometimes, you gotta have it.

The truck is actually a bit like a hamster cage. The aquarium type, not the ones with little metal bars. We are in this box, windows on three sides, looking out on everything but not interacting with it. We have a stash of food and some water bottles so we are all set to hang for a while. In fact, when we do stop, there is a slight feeling of reluctance to leave this safe little haven and venture out into the big, scary world. Well, about half a second of reluctance. I also now understand why my sister’s hamsters kept escaping when we were kids. And they even had extra tubes to play in.

9:24 a.m.
I still do not have a mocha. Last night as we were winding our way back to the Super 8 – the only option available without another 30 minutes of driving and I believe I mentioned my reluctance – I noticed a sign for Under Ground. It was not open so not well lit, but I totally thought I had found a local coffee shop that would provide for my happiness in the morning. Yeah right. When you read the sign in the light of day it says Under Ground Graphics and they appear to print t-shirts. So much for that!

Had I not been positive that I was all hooked up, I could have looked up the nearest Starbucks while in he hotel. Nope – can’t say that I thought of that until far too late.

So here I am, riding along, with NO MOCHA! I am slightly less than chipper this morning,

9:31 a.m.
THERE IS A STARBUCKS AT EXIT 75! I just scared the crap out of MV.

9:44 a.m.
I have a mocha.

9:45 a.m.
Now we come to the “ain’t karma a bitch” portion of the story. See, on the way out of Starbucks, I asked if I should drive. MV says, “No, you will spill your mocha and we will have to go all the way back to get another one.” So we head out on the road. Apparently the lid was not put on MV’s coffee tightly. Now he only has 2 oz of coffee and wet feet.

I, on the other hand, am happily (not smugly at all) chewing the center out of the brie from my cheese and apple tray and sipping my giant mocha.

12:13 p.m.
We have more Starbucks. I am again happily eating the center out of the brie, accompanied this time by a shaken lemonade and iced tea. MV as cleared his karma issues and gets to have his coffee this time – all of it that is.

I again offered to drive, but MV wants to do it. I am starting to believe it is not because he feels that he needs to be the driver, but instead because he is not good at being the passenger. Being the passenger is a very important job. And not often very exciting unless you make it that way. Sometimes as the passenger, you have to:

• Read out loud the states from every license plate that passes.
• Read the map and not get the river names wrong. (which is surprisingly more difficult than you would think)
• Provide musical entertainment if you forgot the CDs.
• Look at magazines to find interesting bits of articles to highlight for the driver.
• Not comment when you don’t agree with a driving move.
• Write the blog.
• Wiggle around a lot (well, maybe not a requirement, but it helps pass time).
• Nap.
• Periodically ask, “So, how you doin’ over there?”
• And, of course, announce the baby cows.

I have a great talent for being the passenger. I feel I bring a certain flair to the job.

5:48 p.m.
We are so close. But someone has to pee. And we are stuck in traffic near Ann Arbor. Ugh! But MV is nice and makes a stop after someone threatens to pee out the window.

6:30 p.m.
We arrive home. The cats celebrate.

Seattle to Portland – Day 13: So close...

7 a.m.
We head into the truck. I eat a lovely breakfast of left over raw veggies dipped into a little cup of cream cheese from the otherwise gluten filled free breakfast. I kept them in the carry out box on the air conditioner all night. Turns out, this is fabulous breakfast.

8 a.m.
Corn, corn, corn. Maybe a nap.

9:58 a.m.
MV passes through a time zone and does the phone thing again. I do not – zzzz… So now we have lost another hour. Where do they go?

10:34 a.m.
Apparently I have slept all morning. Corn, corn, corn.

MV is saying he is going to drive all the way to MI this evening.

A bit later
I read to MV from Triathlete magazine. I am terribly disappointed by this magazine – while the info seems ok, a lot of the writing is on maybe a 4th grade level and it just sort of touches on a subject, never really getting to the meat of anything. Certainly don’t need to subscribe to that one!

Sometime that afternoon
We pass into Iowa. Corn, corn, corn. See, I have now made up lots of corn songs. They are to the tune of other familiar songs, but feature the word corn almost exclusively.

4:48 p.m.
We are stopping to see some friends of MV’s family from when they used to live in Iowa. So we drive through this town that MV hasn’t seen since he was 10. Strangely, he remembers all these details.

We stop by for an hour visit. They have plans that evening so cannot visit longer, but it is good because we need to get going again if we are going to make IL for the night. Luckily the drive all night and get to MI at like 7 a.m. plan has been dismissed. So glad truck is too uncomfortable for real sleep. If it were, MV would probably try to get me to sleep again so he could try it.

MV says remove the word probably from the above sentence.

8:11 p.m.
Wendy’s for dinner - again. But it’s just so easy to order a baked potato and not have to explain.

MV gets fries and says we will share. I realize that the blog has been a bit boring today and am sure that this will provide some good material - he will eat most of them but blame me for eating them all. I will say it is a subtle way of calling me piggy and pout. Instead, he eats some and gives me the box to finish. Seriously, boys are full of surprises.

10:59 p.m.
MV is treated to a medley of show tunes. Well, partial show tunes with some humming in the parts where I forgot the words. It is pretty amazing how much of Annie I recall.

MV suggests maybe I want to sing some Matchbox 20 or Third Eye Blind instead. Hmmm…nope.

12:04 a.m.
We have crossed into Illinois.
Me: We must find a hotel. If I have to stay in this truck 30 minutes more, I will go crazy.
MV: Um, you already are.

(Evidence presented: I was singing along to this country song I found messing with the scan button on the radio - and I magically knew the words. You be the judge.)

Seattle to Portland – Day 12: Driving in the rain

8:49 a.m.
We visit the truck stop before getting on the road. The truck stop is amazing. See, the hotel breakfast was completely lacking in anything I could eat. But the truck stop has little packages with carrots, dip and cheese. And a different one with apples, peanut butter and trail mix. The peanut butter is just peanuts and salt. Plus I get some V-8. Breakfast of champions obtained!

I negotiate a little stop for the morning. I have no idea how I got this one approved...

10:18 a.m.
At the Pearl Izumi Factory Store in Park City, UT. More bike shorts are acquired. Mark gets a cute jacket – I mean a manly jacket of course. We chat for while with Amy who is originally from the Midwest and loves to ride bikes too. She tells us about a cool coffee shop on the other side of the freeway, owned by their mayor. After a detour through Gap (all capris are $12.99), we head out. We can’t find the coffee shop – she said go toward the freeway, but I think we went the wrong way toward it – so we just hop on and are off.

Don’t worry – she also told us about a coffee shop we have to visit in Nebraska.

Noon or so…
Maybe if I just sort of lay down on this seat a bit, I can see the tops of the mountains better. Zzzz…

5:29 p.m.
My turn to drive. After MV makes fun of me for driving on the toot strips, he sleeps so all is well. I am pretty good at this truck driving thing. It would be fun to be a truck driver – for maybe one week or so.

Of course, as soon as MV falls asleep, it starts raining. So I drive through the rainstorm with lightning. Not sure if there was thunder – didn’t hear any but the truck is pretty loud when the windows are cracked.

8:17 p.m.
We stop at a rest stop. This is the dirtiest place we have been on all of the trip. I have actually been impressed with the rest stops – clean and in good repair. This one – well, there was a poo smell in the air and poo to go along with it. But cute baby cows along the road in. And MV decides he wants to drive again.

9:23 p.m.
Uh oh! MV just got pulled over. And we had no clue why – especially since the truck won’t even let him speed. Turns out, we were in a climbing-to-the-summit zone where no trucks can go in the left lane. MV had gone out to pass. Apparently there was a sign and we didn’t see it. But the cutie highway patrol guy gave us a warning when he found out we were not commercial and said just to make sure not to go in the left lane when climbing. They even have blue warning papers that you get. Poor MV – he is actually very careful about following all the truck rules (we even went to a weigh station) so not fun to miss one and get pulled over.

But there were some fabulous wildflowers and this amazing rock formation right where we were stopped, so it was quite lovely for me.

9 p.m.
We stop for dinner in Cheyenne, WY. MV still wants to get to Nebraska tonight – even just over the border so he can check off three states for the day – but agrees that there might be nothing to eat then and we cannot live on snacks alone. Cheyenne is in bold type on the map and has its own little city map inset, but apparently it all must be relative. We seem to have picked the most populated exit, but see only fast food. We were aiming for a little diner or family restaurant. I remember that the Holiday Inn billboard had “full service restaurant” listed. It is not well labeled – almost like they didn’t want us to find it – but totally worth the hunt. I got a huge platter of fresh raw veggies, a grilled burger with no bun and real mashed potatoes with no gravy. OK, I’m thinking that maybe this doesn’t sound fabulous to you, but this is one of my favorite meals. They even had the good pickles.

Now, revived, we drive again. It is dark and there is fabulous lightning in the sky ahead so we are amused.

10:48 p.m.
The Days Inn is sold out? What could possibly be going on in Kimball to sell out the Days Inn? But the Super 8 had a room with three beds that he can give us cheap. Three beds? It is just a weird night.

I would just kill for a soy mocha in the morning!!!

Seattle to Portland – Day 11: On the road again, again

8 a.m.
We are driving.

We decide to come down 84 to 80 so we go home a different way than we came. Turns out, 84 is gorgeous. All mountains on one side and Columbia River on the other. We drive along pointing out cool stuff. Each person misses what the other person sees because there are a lot of trees.

Me: Look, a waterfall.
MV: Where?
Me: Oops, trees in the way.

MV: Look, a tugboat.
Me: Where?
MV: Oops, trees again.

Apparently only one person per car gets to see each sight.

10 a.m.

We have not resolved the forgot-the-CDs issue. Actually, we forgot we had it so didn’t remember to get a blank CD to burn something from iTunes. And of course there are no radio stations up in the mountains. The radio just scrolls through the scan and comes up with nothing.

Me: So what do people do who have no radio stations?
MV: Sing to themselves using animal noises.

How interesting that I inherently knew what to do and had been doing it all along.

11:42 a.m.
We are coming down out of a mountain pass area. MV says it looks like we are now in the plains of Oregon. Then corrects himself that it is not exactly plains yet. I agree, it’s more like foothills.

Me: So do you know why they are called foothills?
MV: Yes, but why do you think?
Me: Well, because they sometimes look like little toes.
(MV remains skeptical of this explanation and requests that this be noted.
Though he cannot deny that some do resemble toes.)

1:02 p.m.
Me: So, are you getting tired of driving?
MV: Getting there…
Me: But look – baby cows!

1:58 p.m.
Pull into the rest stop. Sign says simply “Rattlesnakes.” Sweet – I wonder where they are?

MV: Next exit, I want a real gas stations with Starbucks coffee.

I failed to find any rattlesnakes.

4:11 p.m.
We stop at the truck stop. But I just can’t face more truck stop food. I wander aimlessly. I relize there is a Subway and they can do a veggie salad. The girl is very nice, but has no idea about dressing ingredients. I go with red wine vinegar and a sprinkle of oregano. I miss Seattle…but the salad does perk me up, iceberg lettuce and all, and bring back my happy thoughts. We also get more beef jerky, you know, just in case.

5:20 p.m.
We are in rush hour traffic in Boise. We just realized we had passed into the mtn time zone and didn’t even notice.

We see a military jet take off. Sweet! Totally sounds like it does in the movies.

MV does not stop at the Outlet Mall. Even when I reason that when we leave, the traffic will be gone. But we do have radio stations here.

6:11 p.m.
MV tells me to look at the view. It is just golden fields curving up into mountains on all sides. The mountains are all flat on top with these cool rock formations. Then I notice a small rather rundown house tucked into one of the fields.

Me: Imagine living in the middle of nowhere like that.
MV: Sounds good...I could.
Me: But how would anyone come over for dinner?
MV: Helicopter
Me: OK, I could live there if I had a helicopter.
MV: No, our friends would have a helicopter that they would fly in.
Me: No, I want the helicopter.
MV: Rich friends...
Me: Well it certainly looks like they saved a lot on siding and paint. May as well get a helicopter.

Yeah, we need more radio.

10:04 p.m.
We order everything off the Wendy's menu. The drive thru guy has to tell MV to slow down so he can get it all.

Slightly later
We are in the hotel in Utah surrounded by food. Zzzzz...

ps - Southern Idaho is very, very dry except where they irrigate. It is basically all yellow.

pps - We keep having this conversation. Or some version of it.

Me: Guess what?
MV: What?
Me: I rode 200 miles.
MV: Over 200 miles actually. I'm very glad you did.
Me: Did you really think I would?
MV: Well, I certainly hoped you would.

Yeah, it hasn't gotten old yet. At least, not to me. I am not going to ask MV if he is tired of it.

Seattle to Portland – Day 10: We eat, sleep and skate

Well, that about sums it up. But I'll fill in some details later.

Seattle to Portland – Day 9: We ride again

4:30 a.m.
People’s phone alarms start going off…and they actually pay attention to them and get up. So weird.

4:45 a.m.
Someone says, “I may as well just turn on the lights.” I put my head under the covers!

Sometime later…
Janet takes a photo of me refusing to get out of bed. I figure I might actually need to consider getting up. Then MV comes and pulls the plug on the air mattress. Bye-bye nice bed!

6 a.m. -ish
The team is off. We still have to finish locking up the truck, but no problems this time – we know right where to go.

6:30 a.m.
We are off. Yeah, my butt hurts. But less than I expected. I am pretty much not awake yet and haven’t felt like eating yet. So I have a cup of oatmeal from breakfast stashed in the saddlebag. And lots of fruit rolls.

I have no times for the rest since MV has the computer, but some highlights:

We stop at the first rest stop and I eat a bit of the oatmeal. It is a congealed glop, but covered in melted brown sugar. Best idea ever! No, I am not being sarcastic - this was awesome biking food. I wake enough to decide that I might want to stop at every rest stop and eat the oatmeal. I propose this to MV who says that if that is what it takes… Also of note: the first ret stop is by the egg producers building and there is a giant chicken! (Statue that is, not a real giant chicken although that would have been really cool.)

A large part of the ride today is where the road is cut into hilly areas so we are riding where there are large rock walls next to us. Cool! I think it had more climbing than day one, but it was mostly of the roller variety.

Animals we see: Cows, horses, llamas with babies (so cute), cats, dogs including a guy walking two tiny little mini dogs, an angora rabbit, a giant wild rabbit and a field of chickens.

About mile 50, my butt really hurts. So we go with a “coasting anytime there is a downhill” plan so I can get off my seat. We also keep up the stopping at all rest stops plan. I try to not dawdle. MV makes sure I don’t. One of these days, he really is going to ride off without me.

One city we pass through, MV remarks that there seem to be a large amount of bail bond places. Right after that we pass the county courthouse. Then we pass the jail. Then we pass a girl standing on the sidewalk with messy clothes, ratty hair, a huge backpack and a pierced nose. She calls out, “I hope someone throws a stick at you.” MV replies quietly so only I hear, “I hope some day you can find happiness.”

At the final rest stop (187-ish), some of our team is also there. I mention that my butt hurts (which is dominating my thoughts) and Maureen gives me some cream she loves (I need to find out the name from her). Anyway, she says she thinks it numbs. Not sure if it did or not, but it had peppermint oil in it, so my butt kind of tingled and I’m sure it smelled very refreshed. MV says time is up, and off we go.

Since it is almost the end, we say no more stopping. At maybe 6 miles from the end, my foot cramps. I was so thinking I might make it the whole way without it being a problem. But the day had really warmed up and that seems to be what does it. I was trying to ignore it, but then it got really bad and we had to pull over. Luckily the magic cream works really fast. I can still feel the nerves being pinched, but it no longer hurts as much. We jump back on the bike. Darn annoying feet!!!

The (rerouted due to construction) finish winds through part of the city and crosses a bridge then you are there. As we go through the finish shoot, I realize that I can do the hands in the air thing since I am not steering. The crowd goes wild.

We hop off for the final time (YES!) and wind our way through the splash pad (YES!) to the truck. S&J are there to greet us. We shower and MV goes to the truck to get stuff for a few other people. My phone rings. There is a loud cheering noise. And I hear through this, “Are you back yet?” Oops!!! It is Coach Craig and we completely forgot to check in at the TNT table. You know, the thing that they drill into our heads to not forget to do. Oops!

Then I hang around at the finish and see the rest of the team come in. Yeah! Go team!

Coach Steve crosses the finish line with the final TNT MI people. I go up and hug him. He has lost his voice - we all expect that due to his "Go Teams" throughout the day. But he is also shaking. And possibly all the wet on his face is not sweat. I am struck so deeply by how fabulous he is as a person. I spend quite a lot of time teasing him or complaining about training or otherwise being (slightly) obnoxious. I don't know that I ever tell him that he is really also very cool. I mean, damn, this guy was responsible for getting over 40 of us safely across that finish line. And he did it with style and with so much heart - I don't know that he realizes just how amazing he is either.

So there you have it - 204+ miles in two days. My butt hurts.

Now I will eat. A lot.

Seattle to Portland – Day 8: So now we ride bikes

4:30 a.m.
Ring, ring, ring…snooze.

5 a.m.
MV gets up. He tells me that I should really consider doing the same.

I am still not that nervous. A little, but not too much.

5:35 a.m.
Heck, I should probably get out of bed if we are riding at 6.

6 a.m. or probably a little later
Coach Steve is finally getting everyone to begin riding to the start. Getting over 40 excited cyclists moving in the same direction is like herding – what is that thing that you herd and it doesn’t work? Problem is, MV is still locking up the truck. But I assume we will just catch them right away. Then we stop for photos from Alissa. By the time we go, the tail of the group is nowhere to be seen. And we don’t really know where the start is exactly, just a general idea. We see some other cyclists and go over to follow them. But they sound confused too. So we decide to just jump onto the course right by the hotel. It cut off about .9 miles but I didn’t think we would notice them missing at the end. And since it is not a timed race, we didn’t need to cross the actual start – so we are off. MV says we started at about 6:30 a.m.

We later find out that the team got lost getting to the start and crossed the starting line at 7:15 a.m.

*insert long ride here. have not yet processed this information*

3:30 p.m. –ish
So we finally get to Bethel Church. S&J are still waiting with the truck. They have been there since 10:30 a.m. We tell them to go have fun and we climb in the truck. We decide that the big folded piles of moving blankets look really nice and comfy (keeping in mind that they are borrowed from a friend who is retiring from being high end antiques dealer and has pristine blankets, not some scary rentals blankets). We flop down on the blankets and fall asleep. Best nap ever! (OK, you are right – at that point, I would have even slept on scary rental blankets.)

MV eventually gets up and goes for a shower, but I stay on the blankets and greet (startle) people as they come up and look in the truck for their stuff. I am like a truck troll. When I say, “Sure, hop up and get your bag,” one guy says, “I’ll pay you a lot of money if you just get it for me.” Hmmm…

Then I get tired of the truck. I head to the room. We are set up in three classrooms in a church, just in rows on the floor. MV has our air mattress all set up (best $40 ever spent!) and I lay around with a bunch of folks and tell stories from the ride. Eventually it occurs to me that I never showered. Gross! So I say it will be much better for all of us if I go do that and head off.

At some point we eat (luckily they have a salad bar with beans cuz that’s what I eat) and then S&J come back so we hang with them for a bit.

9:30 p.m.
We go to our room. Of the three MI TNT room, ours is the one with the lights off. We sneak over everyone to our mattress and that’s all I know. Apparently the other rooms are a bit more hardy than us. I’m cool with that!

Seattle to Portland – Day 7: The Day Before

6 a.m.
Ring, ring...snooze.

6:05 a.m.
Ring, ring...snooze.

6:10 a.m.
Ring, ring...snooze.

You get the idea.

I finally get out of bed at 6:35 and get ready just in time for the shakedown ride. (This means day before ride to make sure your bike works after transport.)

We get on the road. There are over 40 cyclists on the team. It is, to put it politely, a bit of a cluster at the beginning. Some people seem to want to get run over - maybe they figure it will hurt less than 200 miles? Eventually they seem to get sorted out and become less dangerous. MV and I just hang back and enjoy the ride. We go out about 12 miles then head back.

11 a.m.
We eat breakfast at this fabulous place. I think is was called Portage Cafe. Or something like that. Anyway, they had gluten free buckwheat (which is not actually wheat) pancakes. I ate one of mine and wrapped up the second so I have a pancake surprise for breakfast tomorrow. The surprise is that there is a piece of bacon in the foil too!

On the way back, we find this amazing little hardware store. We wander around and play with all the tools while they copy the truck lock key.

1:30 p.m.
Laying around in the room. Lazy...

4:30 p.m.
We arrive down in the lobby to go to the inspiration dinner with the team. No one is there. We finally make a few calls and find out the meeting time was 4:15. We both somehow got it wrong - brains fried from driving?

After I pout that no one thought to call and check on us - we were sitting up in the room waiting to go down on time - then we hop on a bus and head out there. Public transportation in Seattle RULES!

We make it in time for the program and one of our team members speaks about his experience with blood cancer. Some sniffles were heard.

Then back to the hotel to SLEEP cuz it's going to be a long two days.

Seattle to Portland – Day 6: Team Here

Well, didn't make any notes, so I'll just make up the times...

5 a.m.
MV wakes. MV disappears. I assume it is a bike ride. I sleep again.

7:21 a.m.
I wake. I write addresses. Steph says 'bye and is off to catch the bus to work.

8:30 a.m.
John is off to work too. No idea where MV is.

9 a.m.
Must stop invites before hand falls off. Hand is required for ride. Go for a shower instead.

After shower, walk into room and MV is laying on the bed. Apparently he has been in the garage building the Green Egg. But told no one so it is all a surprise.

10 a.m.
We walk to PCC for supplies. They have no choco-coconut bars, but I get all sorts of other stuff, including more wheat-free zucchini bread. Then we walk to Safeway to get the truck. They also have no choco-coconut bars, but they do have Jovy Fruit Rolls. I am so excited, I buy a giant armful. See, it happens like this. I get to the register and the cashier asks if I have a Safeway card. I remember that I did get one when I was in CA at my sister's and we were buying all these fruit rolls that I remembered from childhood (and don't know where to find in MI). So then it hits me - if they have them at CA Safeway, they probably have them at WA Safeway. I breathlessly ask the cashier if they have "those fabulous really big fruit rolls that come in individual packages." I make a circle with my hands to indicate the fruit roll size. She says, "Those ones in produce?" I take off at a run. I ask the produce guy and he points them out. I grab handfuls. The produce guy edges nervously away. I skip gaily back to the register. I am grinning like a fool. The cashier finds it amusing. I swear to her that they are the best fruit rolls in the world (I never eat any other fruit rolls in fact) and happily pay.

Then we get Starbucks.

Then we navigate the truck to the house to load up.

1 p.m.
We check into the hotel. We stash our stuff in our artsy room. We learn the team is on the way so we start unloading the truck.

2:45 p.m.
Truck done. Fabulous! Since bike pick up was technically at 3, we are completely ahead of the plan. We head off to ice skate. We are going to eventually skate in every state. MV started it.

5:30 p.m.
Dinner in the District Lounge - the hotel restaurant. Really, really good. Then we have their ice cream. Trust me, no matter how far away you are, just stop what you are doing and come have this ice cream. RIGHT NOW!

7:18 p.m.
Bike shop down the street. Of course. MV needed some more T-shirts and pretty much dresses exclusively in bike shop T-shirts from vacations these days. We score three, all on sale.

I get a Triathlete magazine. Cuz I need something to do after this ride I guess.

8:30 p.m.
Lazy in the hotel room. Oh look, Glee...

Seattle to Portland – Day 5: Shopping

6:15 a.m.
I wake up. Seriously? I go back to sleep

7:23 a.m.
I wake up again. Bride guilt gets the better of me and I finally address some invites. I get about 1/4 of them done.

9 a.m.
We eat cherries for breakfast. Huge Washington cherries. Amazing! Along with wheat free zucchini bread - YEAH!

10 a.m.
We go shopping. Since I come here about once a year, there are some Seattle Market staples I need to stock up on. Madras curry from the Spice Market; chocolate covered dried cherries, whipped honey and various nuts from the vendors; loose tea and truffle oil from that cute little shop. Plus a bonus bottle of plum vinegar - no clue how that will taste but can't wait to find out. Then got to hit David Smith to see the imports. And trip to University Village to the flower shop with the amazing little accessories. MV is quite trooper!

11:45 p.m.
Lunch is at Steelhead Diner. Fabulous!

Soon after, strawberry coconut milk ice cream at Molly Moon.

Obnoxious texts from my sisters. One is at a conference in Boston and bored. One is watching the house and got attacked by a grasshopper. Didn't even know we had grasshoppers there yet - cool.

3:25 p.m.
We are finally finished with the shopping. Get stuck in traffic, but back to the house. MV needs a little nap.

That's all for now. Dinner and ice cream to follow.

9:34 p.m.
What? The ice cream store is closed?

Seattle to Portland - Day 4: We make it

8:38 a.m.
Hmmmm…at least the free yogurt is gluten free. Not so the pastries, muffins and biscuits and gravy. Why do all the free breakfasts have biscuits and gravy. I thought those were only in the south. And apparently at free breakfasts everywhere.

10:24 a.m.
Very cool - dust devils! We are passing through some recently plowed fields and there are little dust tornadoes popping up everywhere.

2:13 p.m.
There is this Dodge Van that is driving MV nuts. It is getting in the way of all the trucks and messing up the driving pattern.

We are driving by this giant field of windmills. There has to be 100 of these things. You can’t imaging how big they really are if you haven’t gotten up close to one of them. None are moving at all. Big change from the monster winds of yesterday. We decide that it would be totally cool to have a giant windmill in the backyard. Like, way back on the property line, not right behind the garage or anything,

2:24 p.m.
J: Look at that big mountain in the distance.
MV: Which is it?
J (consulting map): I think it’s Mt. Rainier.
MV: Why do I know that name?
J: It’s a beer.
MV: No, some other reason.
J: Oh, it’s also the highest point in Washington. You know, people climb it.
MV: Yeah, I think it’s that, not that it’s a beer.

5 p.m.-ish
We make it to Seattle. We drive up the mountain and through the very narrow street to arrive in front of Steph’s house. She comes out the door and says, “I didn’t think it would be that big!”

We stash the truck at Safeway and a lovely dinner (with no beef jerky on the menu at all!)

Seattle to Portland - Day 3: Mountains

9 a.m.
On the road again…we are slightly behind on the mileage MV was shooting for each day. See the truck is governed at 65 and that wasn’t in his original calculations. But we are still doing well.

10 a.m.
Look! Baby cows!

Noon
I wake up again…look, mountains! Zzzz…

1:53 p.m.
We stop to fuel and stock up. (We have run out of beef jerky). We also stop in Salad Creations, as I have decided that we need a food that does not have jerky or push up in the name. I am so over retail establishments that try to overdo the cheerful. Two that I can think of locally are Coldstone Creamery and Biggby Coffee. While I all for good customer service and friendly employees, there is a line between coming across as if you are enjoying your job and feel happy to interact with the folks streaming in your door and over-the-top fake cheer.

So we walk in to a chorus of nearly shouted greetings, “Welcome to Salad Creations!” Then the girl at the register chimes, “Two free salads!” to the woman paying. I have no idea why, but she sure was happy about it. Then a perky girl asked what she could get us. I said I wasn’t sure yet. The funny thing is, with all the “customer service” flowing at us , no one actually took the time to ask if we were familiar with the concept or be helpful in a real sort of way.

I do have to say, once the programmed part was over, the kids were really nice. One was discussing with a regular customer while making his meal about how they were opening a new location across town and the manager was afraid it wouldn’t be ready on time. They seemed to genuinely be enjoying their interaction. But I never would have seen it if I acted on my first impulse and ran out the door when faced with the initial attack greeting.

Eating my salad, I realized that I am in full on spoiled-by-local-eating summer mode. Everything in this salad was obviously bred for distance, not flavor. That’s all I’ll say about that.

2:45 p.m.
MV says I get to drive. He pulls over to the side of the freeway (he does not want me to drive in an exit with other cars yet) and we swap seats. When I run out of excuses (I need some chapstick to drive…), I step on the gas and go for it. Almost immediately there are signs warning of high crosswinds, complete with fully extended windsocks to prove their point. But I only go in the toot strips a few times.* Then we head up into our first set of mountains. The truck was clearly not designed for climbing. I set the cruise for 65 – you know, the fastest it will go – and just let it do its thing. Sometimes we go 45, sometimes we go 55 but due to the massive headwind, we hardly ever reach 65, even on the down hills. MV naps for about an hour and, when he wakes and we hit a rest stop, he takes over. So my total driving time this trip is all of 1.5 hours. I am not going to tell you MV’s.

7:31 p.m.
We are following along the Clark Fork River. I totally want to go tube in it. MV says he could hook a rope up to the truck so I wouldn’t get behind. Fun!

8:47 p.m.
If you are sharing the trail mix and have permission to pick out and eat only the stuff you like, make sure to look at each thing you pick before you put it in your mouth. Otherwise, you might get a peanut.

9:11 p.m.
Typing is hard when you are zooming down a hill! Especially a bumpy one.

9:35 p.m.
Another time zone – check. Another state – check.

9:58 p.m.
Stupid Wendy’s not having baked potatoes. And stupid Dairy Queen having an overhang that the truck doesn’t fit under. Had to settle for tiny salad and chili from Wendy’s. MV is quite done with driving and not in the mood to go seek out gluten free options for a grumpy girl who can’t make up her mind.

10:34 p.m.
Blood sugar restored by lovely chili. Best chili in the world. Chili created directly in heaven and sent to me via Wendy’s.

Maybe I will start talking to MV again.

*You do know what those are right?

Seattle to Portland - Day 2: Wall Drug

6:15 a.m.

MV wakes me up. And leaves to go get free breakfast. Haha! See how long I stay awake.

7:15 or so

I actually wake up.

Free breakfast is mostly pastries and waffles, so I eat plain oatmeal, two spoonfuls of peanut butter and one of those little cups of cream cheese. Breakfast of champions.

Later added fresh veggies from the truck stop. Amazing truck stop – had veggies, all sorts of fruit and, not sure why, raw potatoes.

And we get back on the road.

It is rainy and cold.

We eat up the whole package of smokehouse almonds. At this rate, I am going to be completely round by he time we get there.

Around noon

The weather clears up and it is sunny and gorgeous. I miss the transition because I am sleeping like a pretzel trying to not get pocked by the seatbelt thing that doesn’t fold in. I wake up when I move and almost fall, butt-first, off the seat.

1:53 p.m.

The truck stop employees are extremely friendly here in South Dakota. Not fake scary friendly, but just kind of nice and cheerful. And if you ask directions, they actually know where something is. Mark says the coffee if really good too. I had a push up.

2:33 p.m.

It is 20 minutes to the corn palace, the Wall Drug signs are popping up and I just saw a billboard for an auto shop offering “24 hour toe service.” What exactly do they plan to do to your feet in the middle of the night?

5:12 p.m.

When you travel, you sometimes discover things about yourself. Such as, we are nerds. What, you already knew that about us? OK, so did I, but here is a story to back it up.

We’re about mid-way through So. Dakota and we pass a sign saying that we are entering the Mountain Time Zone. We both grab for our cell phones to watch them change. Yeah, right at the same time. So we are staring at them and the time is not changing. I think I will be cute and call MV because maybe that will make the phone check the time. I am wondering why his phone is not ringing and notice that my screen now says CALL WAITING, Yep, he had the same idea and is calling me at the same time.

4:22 p.m. Mtn Time

Whew, just checked and the phone time changed. Can relax…

6:31 p.m.

We are pulling onto the freeway after our visit to Wall Drug. It wasn’t on the agenda, but we needed to stop and eat. While I would not recommend the Cactus Café to anyone with discriminating tastes, the waiter was extremely nice about my having to order weirdly and seemed to actually understand how I needed it prepared. He was from Ukraine – all the staff seemed to be on summer work visas – with a cute accent to go with his fabulous English. I just said I was allergic to wheat (easier) and he said he would make sure to tell them to prepare my broiled chicken with no “flavors” (which in context, we took to mean flavorings or seasonings but it still cracked us up.) Turns out, the general plan with all the food there was not much flavor – but the ice cream absolutely made up for Mark’s cold fries.

Then we wandered around Wall Drug to stretch our legs. There was some serious people watching available! We stopped for a postcard (which was 35 cents – shocking as I expected it to be a touristy $1.50) and we got a free bumper sticker.

Yeah, as we climbed (I do actually have to climb) into the truck, we agreed that Wall Drug was a great break. The whole place is a big tourist stop, but it really didn’t feel like a tourist “trap.” MV says he is now ready to drive for three more hours. Just enough time for me to finish reading Bicycling magazine aloud.

12:45 a.m.

Tucked in at the Days Inn. Free Internet and flat screen for under $100 a night. We’ll see how the free breakfast is though…

Final Thought

There is only so many times you can say, "Look, baby cows! How cute!"

Seattle to Portland – Day 1: MV is tortured

So, we are traveling across the country with a truck full of bikes, headed to the Seattle to Portland ride next weekend. Here is the story…

"July 10th, 8:08 a.m. Departure was scheduled for 2 hours and 8 minutes prior. Jennifer is still not dressed and is running around the house."

Above we find an entry from the travelogue of the driver. We note that he is not driving. In fact, he is nowhere near to driving. He has not yet realized that the trip will not start until 10 a.m.

He is dispatched downstairs to the printer to individually feed in the obnoxious cards that will only print one at a time. This occupies him well as he tries to re-engineer the printer to accept the cards. He gets a run of five in a row with no stopping. It is the little things that really make a day so fine.

He is a bit pissy at the start time, but I believe he will settle down once he is strapped in his man-perch up above all the little tiny cars.

10:34 a.m.
I poise my hand over an envelope. I quickly realize that there is no way I am going to be able to address these things in the moonwalk that it the front seat of a 24' truck.

12:18 p.m.
Crappy iPod speakers, can’t be heard at all in the truck. Considering they are from a Walkman I had in the 90s, I guess I shouldn’t have expected much. I’ll have to settle for headphones and just sing the songs really loud so MV can enjoy them too.

He is occupied with trying to get the best draft off the semis anyway.

3 p.m.
Flying J has the largest selection of Beef Jerky that I have ever seen.

On the road
As we leave the toll booth, there are two other big vehicles all heading out at the same time. Mark lets this one pulling a long trailer merge in front of us. He says, “They had more horsepower.” I glance up. Guess what kind of a trailer it was…?

8:36 p.m. – which is officially 7:36 p.m. where we are
Dinner at the lovely Oasis Family Restaurant attached to a Best Western and also attached to a gas station. Including a Yankee Candle store and a huge selection of giant hunks of cheese. Probably every cheese you can imagine. But very fine dinner. The family owned places are usually good because they will do an omelette and tomato slices – my basic gluten-free safe meal. Kind of a pain to not be able to just stop anywhere to eat, but really not too bad so far. Have stuffed myself all day on the awesome care package that Penny gave us! I have no idea if she even knows, but she managed to get all gluten free snacks.

Just passed a field of buffalo. Also tasty and gluten-free, but these were not yet in patty form.

We will probably drive another hour or two and call it a night.

To pass the time, I will read MV another story from my book Beds I Have Known.* I didn’t get a chance to stock up on books for the trip, but luckily I recently picked this up for 50 cents at the Friends of the Northville Library book sale. MV is quite enjoying the stories.

10:21 p.m. local time
Settling in to the Relax Inn in Stewartville, MN. Surprisingly nice for a cheap motel. With free Internet that just shows up and doesn’t involve some weird logging in process and many calls to the front desk.

Good night everyone!!!

*If you clicked the book link, you will know that the beds references are garden beds and they are storied from an obsessed gardener. I just told MV to replace words like “rose” and “dahlia” with “Mopar part” so he could relate.

Training - Finally!

Sooooo...you were thinking this was all about my quest to be a supergirl and sharing my training in the process. And you were noticing that there seemed to be a lack of, well, any training. That, my friend, is about to change.

We are actually well into our training for Seattle to Portland (200 miles in 2 days - ugh!) But the weather has not been cooperating much at all. We have been having some gorgeous days - during the week. And then thunderstorms and winds gusting up to 40 mph to celebrate the weekend. We made it all of 5 miles once when M decided it was too nasty out. And if he doesn't think it is riding weather, it must be absolutely horrid. I've seen him head out to ride in a blizzard.

But, finally, this weekend - sun!

So here is a summary of the training:

Saturday: 67.8 miles. Let's just say 68 shall we?

M was thinking of racing the 6/12 hours of Stoney on Saturday. But Friday, I got it into my head that I really just wanted to ride the tandem. I called him and he said if he didn't race, he would really torture me on the tandem. For some reason, I agreed.

When we started at the lovely hour of 9 am due to someone slacking around and making us late. Not it! (If you say not it, even if you were it, you are no longer it right?) Since I had agreed to pretty much give up all control of this ride, the route was planned by M. The idea was to go on 13 Mile to Meadowbrook then wind into Northville. From there, we would head all the way down to the other end of Hines to visit the gardens, come back to Northville, then go around Walled Lake (the long way) and head home. Doesn't this sound like a LONG bike ride?

Later M told me that he was worried at the beginning because I was not really helping at all. But after one stop to change gloves (yeah, I brought extras) and fix my seat, I decided to improve my mood and we made it to Northville without incident. At this point, I was thinking, "ALL the way down Hines? Really?" but the problem is that the cute little community gardens are ALL the way down Hines. And I love the gardens. I will pretty much agree to anything to get M to ride the gardens route. You go until Hines is done and slip onto the bike path. Over the river and through the woods, past the parking lot and around the corner are these funny little plots, each fenced off with something different. Handmade scarecrows watch over every veggie you can imagine, lots of weeds and random little flowers tucked in too. This is where we get to stop and rest and I wander around to see what is growing this week. Warning - if you ride with me, you will eventually be forced into a garden walk in the middle of your bike ride. It is unavoidable.

Surprisingly, I was still pretty energetic at this point. We hopped back on the bike and discussed (negotiated) the further biking plan (cracking this woman up in her garden bed - wish I remember what was said). We finished out the path which dumps you out on Michigan Ave. You turn right away to go one street over and have a little tour of Dearborn. And to my delight, this. Like hundreds of dogs, all on their best behavior and strutting their stuff.

We then wound our way to Hines and headed back. Into the wind. And my butt started to hurt. I told M that I thought I needed to stop to eat something and he said to wait and I pouted. Which means I pushed much less hard on the pedals. Up the hill. But M was determined to get to the stop he had designated and was not giving in. I threatened to pass out and fall off the bike. Nope. Then we got to the stop and I pouted a bit more until I saw this cute little bird who was feeding her babies and we had to be friends again so I could show M the bird. Also, I ate an apple which always improves my mood. Also, M decided I really needed to eat some more substantial food so we should stop in Northville to get lunch. And gluten-free lemon cake from Tuscan Cafe. See, I had to be nice after that.

We made it to Northville. I am not going to pretend I didn't start having a little discussion about my butt and how it was tired of the bike seat. And I doubt M would pretend that he didn't just ignore me. We were at 50+ miles and the longest training ride we had done this year so far was just under 40. So I was getting a bit tired.

Before breakfast, we stopped into Town & Country bike shop to check on the Cadabra. It's a long story, but M won it from Kona (through the Fat Cyclist) about a year ago. Apparently there were production or shipping or we never really figured it out delays. The rep kept saying the bike was coming and we kept waiting. You'll never guess - the bike had finally arrived! Of course, we couldn't take it with us since we were already on a bike, so we said we would come back later. An here's the best part - over lunch, M said we should go back the shortest route so he could hop in the van and come back to get the bike. HAHA! Saved by the bike!

We still had a bit of a ride in front of us, plus a stop at CVS to pick up Epson salts for my planned long recovery bath, but we made it. We hopped in the van and went right back to Northville (weird) and fetched the new cool bike. I got the have the first ride in the parking lot. It has a full suspension and is all bouncy. Cool!

Than, the biggest surprise of all, I went home and didn't fall over and die. I gardened until it was dark.

Sunday: 24.something. Let's just say 25.

We arrived at the TNT team meeting place at just before 8. The team was not riding until 8:30, but M had to work later so we were starting off early and cutting it short. We rode for an hour when I decided I was just done. In no uncertain terms. Apparently my bike shorts had rubbed on my butt cheek the day before in a weird way and I was not pleased (TMI?) And we still had to go all the way back. I felt guilty until M said he hadn't thought he was going to get me to ride as far as he had, so I decided that he had gotten a bonus and we headed back. We passed the team going in the opposite direction and everyone yelled go team. Yep, we are a cult, but a good one.

I went home and napped. A lot!

Then went to buy a plant. Which apparently means three plants and two little 4-packs of herbs.

So there you have it. Training. And I have heard a rumor that there will be more next weekend.

The Airport

I drove by the airport today. Coming home from dinner at a friend's house. It was dark so the airport was all lights. I was struck by this deep feeling of what I guess would have to be called nostalgia. Sort of this empty feeling, just for a minute, missing what I never really had.

In my past life, I used to travel for business - a lot. Not the salesperson who doesn't even have an apartment because he would never live in it level of travel, but enough to be able to breeze through security like a pro. I was out of town for maybe one week out of each month. Various places, one year it was pretty much Dallas, another year was mostly Milwaukee. And for maybe a year and a half, it was just everywhere and anywhere. New York, LA, London, even a few weeks in Brazil. To produce photo shoots. With models and photographers, sometimes even famous ones. I met lots of people and we all hung out, went to fabulous restaurants and were nice and friendly with each other. Since I had the power to hire, everyone was actually super friendly.

And when I was in the office, I was pretty much either recovering from/talking about where I had just been or getting ready for the next jaunt. It was difficult to make personal plans because I often didn't know when exactly it would be time to head out again.

The creative director told the head of production that if I didn't slow down, I was headed for a heart attack. When he relayed this to me, I smiled proudly. Then went off to yell into my phone. Or chat merrily. Depending on whether the costs were in and the set was built and the line of skinny hot chicks looked "aspirational," not just hot. This all got me sent to manage the still photo portion of a commercial shoot in Brazil with the directive that when I was not on set, I was to be lying by the pool with a drink in my hand and relaxing. On location, my darn rented cell phone only sort of worked if I stood in the right spot and yelled - at the account guy who called me every 10 minutes since he hadn't made it down to the shoot yet. But every evening, we all floated around in the pool with the fountains. The first night, in my undies because my luggage didn't quite make it there at the same time as me.

It was exciting. It was fabulous. It was too good to last.

I remember sitting in some fabulous bar on top of some tall building in LA with some super gorgeous photographer (never figured out if he was gay) and thinking, "Is he really enjoying our conversation or is he only here because I am the customer and he has to do this to try to get more business?" and conversely, "Am I really enjoying time spent with this person or do I just like that I am in this hot bar with this hot photographer, wasting the hour before I have to head to the airport and move on again?" And everyone I was around every day could inspire pretty much the same set of questions.

The budget was cut, the client left, the well ran dry. And I realized that I had kind of lost touch. I had spent so much time with people who were being nice to me because that was part of the job, that I now assumed everyone was always like that. Anyway, why bother getting to really know anyone because I would just be flying off before we could get too deep into anything.

Cut to tonight. Driving by that airport, somewhere I used to know so well, loved and hated in just the right mix. I had this urge to just drive in, jump on a plane and chase am adventure. I sometimes miss the feeling of not knowing what was going to happen next week, but having confidence that it would be exciting and new. That there would be a constant flow of people who did my bidding, at least I sure hoped they did and, if not, I could just threaten to not pay them.

Instead I drove to my home to hang with M and the cats.

Currently, I work part time. For a small organization full of people who truly want to make our state, and the world for that matter, a better place. I haven't been on a plane in about a year. And that was for a vacation.

I am learning to form real friendships. I am having to realize that sometimes people just like me for me. I am actually enjoying it.

So that is me, gutted. But you damn well better believe that if I am hanging with you today, I really do want to consider you a friend. For real.

Heroes

I heard a cool interview on my way home from work today. At the end, he said his mom once told him, "I'd love you if you were a garbageman." What a powerful thing, a mother's love for her child. It reminded me of a story about my mom that I will share with you on this (two days after) Mother's Day.

When I was a kid, for some reason I got it in my head that someone was going to come up the stairs in the middle of the night and hurt me. I think it may have been related to my considerable skill at sneaking downstairs, hiding in the doorway and watching whatever late night TV show the babysitter had on without her knowing. This was not a smart choice and I stopped once I saw (no clue what show) a robbery scene where a group of people got herded into the backroom of some business and were gunned down by the bad guys, execution style. They lay on the floor and bled and moaned - seriously, this would have given me nightmares if I saw it today, but I think I was like 10 or so. After that, I stayed in bed when put there but had to play over and over in my head how I would react in a situation like that. How I would get down on the floor quickly so they would think I was hit and how, since I was a kid and skinny, the others could fall on me and no one would notice that I was still breathing.

One evening my mom came home and saw that I was still awake. She asked why and, while I did not confess to the TV part, I asked what would happen if someone came up the stairs to get me. I explained that I had the closest bedroom to the top of the stairs so I would be first in line. My mom looked at me with a fierceness that I had never seen before and said that if anyone ever tried to hurt me, they would have to get past her first. No matter what, she would be there in front of me, fighting them off. And that was it, I should never forget it.

So that was it, I went to sleep. I still think that was the scariest thing I have ever seen on TV, but it lost its power over me. I knew that there would be times when I would have to face my own real-life bad guys, but now I also knew that there was never a time when my mother was not there for me - literally, figuratively, whatever. Because she said she would and that's what mothers do.

I am officially scared of my yard

Here's the short story.

1. We have a lot of landscaping that needs to be done. We are overrun by invasive species and need to fight back.

2. We get a load of wood chips in the work dump truck. It is around 1pm.

3. We decide to dump them in the back in the one spot we had cleared of buckthorns. You know, to smother the baby ones.

4. Apparently my yard is not made of dirt, but instead it is pudding.

5. Dump. Drive. Spin. Sink.

6. We assess (Note the double s at the end. It is very important to include both. Unlike on the status report that used to get sent to a client who is not longer a client.) the situation. This thing is kind of stuck. OK, really stuck.

(There is this sub plan that happened about this time where we drove backwards, but it is not really worth discussing aside to say it turned out to be a bad plan and resulted in further stuck-ness!)

7. We decide to go get more equipment. Bobcat, here we come.

8. Mark tows the Bobcat. I go to Starbucks for motivation.

9. I return. The Bobcat is also - take a guess - yep, stuck.

10. Apparently you can use the arm/bucket thing to prop up one side of the Bobcat off the wheels and drive with the wheels on the other side. You have to see it to really understand it, but somehow that thing praying-mantised its way out of the pudding and back onto safe ground.

11. The chains came out and the dump truck was hooked on. Pull, yank, tug, dump truck moves like an inch.

12. We decide that there are too many wood chips stuck under the dump truck from the fail of the backwards plan. We get shovels and sort of dig under the truck to get out the wood chips. Also we dig out the wheels which are halfway sunk into the pudding.

13. I stand up. There is a big mirror that sticks out from the truck, you know, to see in back of the dump. It is hard. I sit back down quickly.

14. There is this weird noise and Mark says MOVE as he runs to the Bobcat. Apparently it was not secured right and was considering rolling down and crushing me while I sat on the ground and pouted about my bumped head. Decided to stop pouting.

15. There is much more pulling and digging until someone (no names mentioned, but she is a smart someone) thinks that the left over plywood hanging by the gazebo could be cut down to wedge under the tires just right to make ramps under the tires to get out of the pudding.

16. Mark notices that it is nearly 6pm and says we have to stop at 6 and get ready to go out to dinner. The smart someone says to just go cut the boards and it will be perfect.

17. The smart someone is really hoping she is right.

18. Boards wedged, Mark in the Bobcat to pull, me in the dump truck to drive.

19. You should have seen the grin on my face as I drove that dump truck safely up onto the driveway.

20. D and J cooked us fabulous steaks. And J let me watch three episodes of Project Runway. Fabulous day!

Gosh, I bet you really wish I had pictures.

Adventure #1

I decided to have an adventure a day during my break from school, beginning yesterday. That means adventures until June 7. After that, school is adventure enough. So, I cast out to the universe to send me my first adventure and here is what I got:

Monday, April 19: Evading the Fuzz

8 am - Wake up, look around for the check I told MV I'd drop at the bank. No check. Call. He has the check and is working in the shop which is all of 4 miles from the house. Agree to go get the check. After further discussion, agree to get the check in the '72 Roadrunner and swap for the van, leaving it with him for a tune-up after work. He mentions that the gas gauge isn't working, so he should put some gas in after the tune up. (Are you guessing where this goes...?)

10 am - Leaving my road, tires squealing (not my fault - it's a stiff pedal), driving to the shop. Make a right turn. Car is not running. Not at all. Fortunately, coast to the center lane. Try to make the car go. Car is ignoring me. So I am in the center of the road, about 5 cars from the light in the left turn lane except backwards, there are two lanes of traffic on either side.

10:02 am - Me: You have to come right now. The car is dead and I am in the middle of the road. MV: Out of gas? Me: How would I know? I'm guessing but we can't tell until we put some in and see if it goes, huh? MV: But there are tools all outside and I am burning wood. (Note: There is a nice large garbage bin, but apparently extra wood must be burned. Have mentioned this to other guys and they see no reason why this would be odd. They also get a glint in their eyes and offer to help MV at work whenever he needs it.) Me: I am in your RR with expired registration and no insurance and did I mention that I am in the middle of the road. In your illegal vehicle. I apologize in advance for the freak out that I feel coming...but in like 2 seconds some really helpful person is going to call a cop to come rescue me and what do you think he will think about all of this? MV: OK, I am tossing in the tools...

10:15 am - On the phone with MV as he is driving. As I see him approaching, I also see a police car turning into the plaza across the street. Luckily MV gets there first and backs the van up to the car. We prop open the license plate to get to the thingy where you put the gas in - you know, and to hide the 2008 sticker since that makes us feel better. He grabs the gas can he brought and asks who should run across the street to get the gas. Quick decision, he runs and I stand by the cars looking cute and competently rescued. I see the cop car patrolling around the plaza, but it comes nowhere near. Whew...my "I need no help at all" vibe is working.

5 gallons later - MV is dumping gas into the car, the cop is gone and we are making fun of the people who are too dumb to realize that they should go on the other side of the backwards car (with two people standing behind it holding a bright red gas can in a dumping it into the back end fashion) in order to make their left turn. They are all driving crazy and near-missing each other until...screech-bang! From the other side of the van, there is a kind of a crash noise. Me: I heard an accident. MV: Do you really think so? Me (peaking around the edge of the van): Yep. I see a pregnant woman. MV: Oh no. Me: Yep, and she appears to have hit a car with an old lady. MV: Oh no! We have to get out of here!

But I check it out (still peaking around the van since no one can see me smack in the middle of the road if I just stay behind the van) and both get out of the cars and seem fine, so it is totally ok that we are only worried that we need to get the heck out of there before someone calls that cop on back. Plus, they are not only blocking the main forward lane, but between them and us, no one can get to the left turn lane either. It's, frankly, the recipe for a big old mess. Unless of course you are that person who drives around us all to the left in the oncoming traffic lane like that guy in the penis car did.

Fortunately, the accident couple decide to get out of the road to discuss, hop in their cars and turn right to get into the plaza. Neither of them using any turn indicators as they change lanes or make their turns. We feel assured of why they had a smash up - nothing to do with the adorable couple in the middle of the road, it was simply their lack of driving skills.

10:30 - I'm guessing - We need to get away fast. MV jumps in the RR and - yep, putting some gas in appears to have fixed the problem - zooms away. I jump into the nice van which does not have squealing tires and touchy pedals and something called a Detroit Locker which apparently is cool but I still don't know what it does and go meet Mark at the shop. Where we pick up the tools, burn some additional wood (um, turns out it is kind of fun - don't tell) and decide we need some burgers and Starbucks to recover from our adventure.

I have decided that, when requesting an adventure, I need to be far more specific about the type of adventure I want. I would like a nice adventure with no police, no accidents, no standing in the middle of the road and maybe some shopping.

Lessons learned: Other people all drive like sh*t!

Done.

Done. Done, done, done.

That is what my first full semester back to school is. That is what my final projects are. That is what my side work all is.

That is not what my taxes are, but check back tomorrow and we'll see if something can't be done to fix that.

Except that I don't have to work tomorrow and I plan to play in my yard all day. Hmmmm...