My plan

I go to school three nights week. Web and graphic design stuff. Class is from 7:15 - 10 pm. I don't get home until 10:45ish. Two of those days, I have already been at work since 8:30 am. And in spring, I begin classes for my MBA. Know why? The obvious answer would be that I was downsized, from a career that was fading quickly anyway, so I need to upgrade my skills to remain employable. That is painfully true. Remind me to tell you the story sometime. But it's not just that.

I was driving to class on Monday and something hit me: all of the sudden, I felt really happy. Now if you know me, you also know that I usually maintain a rather high level of optimism. Sort of like I am floating around on my own little pink cloud of delight. Heck, if I am having a bad day, inside I am thinking, "This is useful. Now I will enjoy the good days even more." I truly appreciate this miracle of body chemistry that allows me to look on the bright side of practically anything. This was more than just regular happiness. It was like bubbling joy all inside of me, but not even like that at all. And it seemed to be related to the fact that I was driving to school.

I did a little analysis as to what was up with this feeling. Because M-10, the concrete gully, is really boring for driving - especially when dark out - so I had the time. Here is what I concluded:

I was finally taking back control of my destiny.

For the past few years, my work situation had been getting less enjoyable. I really do love the concept of what I did, but in practice it was no longer the same job that I had signed on to do. Partially due to technology taking away a good portion of the creativity and knowledge required to get the job done. Partially due to reduced budgets, tighter deadlines and, my opinion, a willingness to settle for "ok" if it came fast and cheap. And finally, most recently, due to just getting stuck with some cr*p clients that showed no respect for anyone. I had stopped making plans during the week and people just had to understand that I could not be counted on to show up anywhere but work. Then suddenly, it was all gone.

And now I am in uncharted territory. But making my own choices. And loving it.

For years I have talked about, thought about, even researched, getting my MBA. Something always came up. More often than not, it was that I couldn't guarantee I could leave work to get to class with any regularity. I didn't want to waste my money to be "that person" who never made it to class and always had to reschedule project meetings. It was an excuse, I know, but a pretty darn valid one. One that crushed down on me and didn't let me see out from under it. Now, no excuses and no desire to look for them.

I am well aware that I am fortunate. Not many people have the opportunity and support system to work a lower-paying, part-time job that they love, that lets them feel like they are doing something positive and allows them to go back to school full time. I don't know how long it will last. We had been making conservative financial decisions, never really expecting it would happen but aware of the direction things were going - still I foresee a pile of student loans looming in my future. A really big pile! With no promise that anything will come of it. Except that big bubble of unexplainable happiness.

Now it is time to go chase a dream. Because reality is crashing down around us in a not very pretty manner. And this state needs to reinvent itself, one person, one plan, at a time. This is my plan. I don't yet know where it ends, but I can see far enough that I like the direction.