Warning

So apparently you cannot come into my house and mention that you have doubts about whether it is right for a scout leader to be gay. It seems I will quiz you, as a straight man, about whether you are likely to want to f*ck young girls just because you are around a group of them, so why in the world is your average gay guy who likes guys his own age any more likely to f*ck young boys? And then I will make you discuss it more whether you want to or not. Yes, I did use the actual bad word out loud in my kitchen just for shock value. 

But seriously, I hope I didn't scare him away. He is a nice guy and MV's friend. And to his credit, he was not being completely close minded as he was willing to listen to what I had to say. But I do hope maybe he does think about it a little from a different point of view. 

Making me not merry

It's that time again. The time when I swear at the various trees while I choke them out with strands of lights. The time when the electrician of the house chooses to ignore what is happening with extension cords and multi-way connectors. The time when those "I'm gonna say 'Merry Christmas' so screw you," sentiments start to pop up all over the social world.

This year in the form of stock photos with bad typesetting plopped on top. Sometimes with a starburst.

I don't know about you, but they make me wonder. Is anyone preventing these folks from saying anything? Can't they just go scream Merry Christmas or Merry CHRISTmas or Happy Birthday Baby Jesus as loud as they like, wherever they like? I doubt anyone will stop them. At least not in most of America - unclear on other places.

I remember a few years ago (probably more than that) when there was a big hullabaloo that the circulars for the chain stores all said "Happy Holidays" and "Holiday Sale." People got all upset because this generic greeting did not reference their specific holiday. Really? So you actually want retail outlets to exploit your holiday instead of saying, "Hey, we'll sell you our crap for whatever holiday you choose." Because trust me, no matter which greeting they choose, they are not really concerned whether your Dec. 25 or otherwise is any happier than the day before or after. They just want your money.

So the latest one I saw said something about "I don't say happy holidays, I say Merry Christmas." Really? To your non-Christian friends? You can't spare a few minutes to get to know what they celebrate and wish that to them? Or if you are unsure, just wish them a general happy season until you get to know each other better and respect and cherish the ways you are different yet still like each other?

Guess what, they probably already know you are self-centered and don't care anyway.

Multi-tasking

What say we get back to the original theme of this blog - fitness...

The other day I am getting ready to go hang with the amazing gals of GNO and I have this little conversation with MV.

Me: I have come to the conclusion that am just chubby right now. I know I am not extremely fat, but I certainly am not where I want to be. Do you know what I mean?
MV: {blank stare}
Me: You know how there is this scale of your personal weight? Well I am at the top of mine and I am not liking it. I am chubby. I have to fix this. Do you know what I mean?
MV: {blank stare}
Me: I mean, it is not like I am eating really terrible and I am getting some exercise but it is just not working. Something has to be done. I am just not liking this. Do you know what I mean?
MV: {blank stare}

At this point, I realize he is actually looking kind of terrified.  It occurs to me that he is pretty much in a no-win situation. He can agree with me and say he does know what I mean, which could get him days of pouting if I decide to interpret his agreement as calling me fat. Or he can say "no" which will cause me to just explain it again several times, saying the same thing but using different descriptive words, hoping one of them will inspire understanding of my plight.

I stalk back into the bedroom and put on something very black.

Now here is the part that really took me by surprise. The next day, we were laying around and MV starts the conversation like this.

MV: You know your personal problem that I cannot say out loud?
Me: Um, you have to be more specific.
MV: That one I can't say.
Me: Um, not really. I have far too many personal problems to just guess one.
MV: Well, I can't say it in case you get mad, but I'll tell you the solution.

He went on to say that the difference between now and when I was happier with my weight was that I was running nearly everyday. The more I thought about it, the more I realized he was right. It was when I was training for a marathon (which turned into a half marathon, which turned into foot surgery - thus the not running everyday anymore). His solution: Just ride your bike for 20 minutes after work. It doesn't matter if there are weeds in the yard, they will be there when you come back. When you get home, just jump on the bike before anything else gets in the way or stops you. Just do 20 minutes, that's all.

So that's the plan.

Tonight, I got home from work. I jumped on my bike and rode for 22 minutes. Even though MV made me do two laps on tandem at Addison yesterday and my legs were burning. Hey, you can do anything for 20 minutes. It is very humid today, so I was hot and sweaty and tired upon my return. I got the biggest glass from the cupboard and filled it with cold water. I then proceeded to put it down on the counter sideways (?) and dump the water all over the counter and the floor.

There you go - bike ride done and kitchen floor cleaned!

I have hard wood

floors.*

Here is the phone conversation I had at 8:15 this morning in the car on the way to work.

Phone: Ring, ring
Me: Good morning, this is Jennifer**
Phone: This is Kyle from Modernistic calling to confirm your carpet cleaning appointment for today.
Me: I think you have the wrong person.
(VERY long pause. Complete silence.)
Me: Um, well, bye.
Phone: Oh, um, yeah, good bye.

Do you think he dialed wrong? Or is this a new sales technique?

Might I have thought a moment about the cleanliness of my carpets and responded, "Well yes, but could you remind me of the appointment time. And let's just confirm which address I was planning for today."

If I was really good, I might have added,

"Do you already have payment information on file?"

Unfortunately, my floors are solid hardwood. I wonder how Kyle is with a Swiffer?

*Just trying to make this little blog a bit more popular.
**Yes, I do answer the phone that way when it is an unfamiliar number. I can't help myself. I usually say "Hello Gorgeous!" if I know you.

We are fruity

We eat a lot of fruit. Currently we go through dozen apples, a bag of peaches and two watermelons a week. Plus toss in whatever berries show up at the farmers market. This is for two people.

A week ago Sunday, I restocked the apples along with some pears to keep them company. Tuesday, this happened:

MV: When did we get more apples?
Me: Sunday.
MV: So you were hiding them from me?
Me: Right. I hid then in the bowl in the middle of the table.
MV: Yes, but they are usually on the other table.
Me: The one covered with clean laundry? They wouldn't hidden there at all.
MV: But I had no fruit at work.
Me: There were cherries and blueberries in the fridge. You knew they were there.
MV: But they are not the right size for work.
Me: What size is that?
MV: Hand-sized.

At least he wants to eat fruit.

I am looking into having a conveyor belt installed between my house and Whole Foods. One that just sends in watermelons as fast as we can eat them.

Action August

It's Action August! I made it up over the course of the day yesterday. In order to participate in this month-long challenge, you simply need to do some kind of physical activity for 10 minutes each day in August. Days with more than 10 minutes are strongly encouraged, but each and every day must have at least 10 minutes.

"So what kind of physical activity?" you ask. It's all up to you. You can go to the gym or ride your bike or just walk around the block. If you like, you can even aggressively vacuum the rugs (my rugs, come on over here). Just as long as you are honest with yourself that you were "on purpose" moving around in some fashion for 10 minutes straight. Or more. Sometimes, go for more.

Brilliant huh?

Here's the catch. If you realize it is time for bed and you have forgotten to do your Action August, you have to stand next to your bed and march in place for 10 minutes. I bet after a day or two of that, you will remember to take a walk somewhere far more interesting the next day.

So join me. Just ignore the days you missed. Or add on some minutes later. But as of today, just move it.

You may be wondering how I did on day one. Well, I thought up the plan during the day while I was at work then had to go straight to meet mom for a garden tour. In the car, I called P and told her the plan. "You're on," she replied. So, what can a girl to do when she is stuck in a car and will not be home until nearly bedtime? Can you guess it? Ten minutes of...butt crunches! All the way down 696, I was crunching. And judging by the soreness in my tush, they must have worked.

ps - Don't you love the name? I was originally going to go for Ass-shrinker August but this seemed a bit more public-discussion friendly.

What I want

So I go to this gym, let's call it...um...the expensive gym, because I want to get really skinny and have sleek muscles. I also want to have a squirrel tail ever since I read that they can wrap it around themselves like a blanket in the winter and not get cold. How fabulous would it be to have a built in blanket? And of course I want to have huge white feathered wings. Because - who doesn't?

I have a bad feeling that it is pretty much a three way tie as to which of those I am actually going to get. Considering that ice cream exists.